you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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