I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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