He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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