remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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