Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
