so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
