Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
