I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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