after a month anything with tits is on the radar
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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