Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
