she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
