I think I died a long time ago.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
