You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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