My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
