We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
