is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
