im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
