Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
