is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
