so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
