oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The adults are the big ones right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
