We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
