Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
