What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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