cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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