Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
