You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
