TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
