in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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