I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize