doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
