i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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