Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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