I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
