so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
