Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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