Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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