Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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