Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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