Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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