I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
