A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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