We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
