Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
