Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
