No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
