y did u give ur computer a hand job?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
