Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BRING THE BAGELS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
