Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize