I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
