your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
