I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize