Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
