the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
