I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
