Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
PANTIES FOUND
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
