I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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