i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
