So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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