He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will pee on everything he values.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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