He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
