i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
