but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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