Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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