I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
