is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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