I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
